I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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