listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
