Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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