His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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