Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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