Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
