does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
