Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
