She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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