I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize