do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have post one night stand depression
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