Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
