So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
