she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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