Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
