i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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