I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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