It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
