its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am puke
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
