i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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