During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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