I CAN MOONWALK!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize