Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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