The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
