Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Duck Duck Cougar?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize