I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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