but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
