can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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