My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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