it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
