Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
