I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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