Dual....:-)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize