you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
