Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
