hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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