as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize