I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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