we have pet lesbian snakes
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
