Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
