So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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