i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
