it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize