I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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