woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
