The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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