I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
