I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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