If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize