alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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