ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
