Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize