it hurts more in the daytime
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
