After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
