My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
