Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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