P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
