Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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