I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
