What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
