i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I love having hate sex.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
